Let Me Tell You About: The Legend of Jack Sparrow

I feel like I’ve been focused a lot on talking about Universal and hippos who could possibly vote in Florida lately, so let’s focus on something Disney related today. For the longest time (until Fast and Furious Supercharged came along), I always considered The Legend of Jack Sparrow to be the worst attraction I have ever done at ANY theme park. Most “bad” attractions I’m usually able to find one or two things that I like about them. But I’m ever the optimist, always looking on the bright side of life, whistle chorus and what have you. That all changed on a cold December morning, when I walked into this attraction. I came out a changed man. Everything became a few shades darker in color. Ice cream tasted less sweet. Flowers didn’t smell as nice. I started to believe every theme park rumor that was on the internet. It made Stitch’s Great Escape look like a piece of art work that Micheangelo worked on. When I say this was the worst thing I have ever done at a theme park, I am not kidding or using any form of hyperbole.

If they only put as much effort into the experience as they did the sign.

So let’s start with the first thing you do, wait. So the geniuses who made this turd fire decided that it would be a great idea to have only one group in the whole building at a time. This meant your wait was going to be 15 minutes at a bare minimum. Most of the time I saw this ride at 45-60 minutes on a slow day. You could have ridden Tower of Terror 2 or 3 times on that same day in the time to wait to enter this puke bucket. Sure the queue was covered in the shade, but you had nothing to look at except a blank wall and people going to ride better attractions.

So what happens when you get inside? You stand in a room and are trained to become pirates by helping Jack Sparrow defeat Davey Jones and his army of skeletons, mermaids and the Kraken. Lots of potential right there. So what sort of piratey things would you have to do? Sword play? Sailing? Chicken theivery? Nope, stomping your feet at the appropriate time. Yep, this ride equates to tasks you’d do while watching Dora the Explorer. At least with that, you learn basic spanish. When I went through, with a full group of about 45-60 people, maybe 4 people actually did it all the way through. When your first words after experiencing…what ever you’d call what just happened, to the people you suggested should do it is, “I’m sorry,” you know you have a stinker on hands.

So was there ANYTHING to enjoy about the attraction, short answer, yes. The sets inside the building were gorgeous to look at and looked like they came straight out of the attraction at Magic Kingdom. The projection mapping that was used for some effects and video of a hologram Jack Sparrow still are impressive to see on YouTube videos. So it was pretty to look at, but that’s about it.

I honestly have no idea what they were thinking when they made this monsterous waste of time and space. It can be considered too scary for little with the mermaids, skulls and monsters. But adults are too old for the pandering, “clap your hands,” method to engage with guests. On top of that, the pirates franchise was already starting to feel a little old. The 4th movie came out the year prior to a luke warm reception. No one was clamoring for more Pirates of the Caribbean attractions. If you’re looking to be placed in the action of pirates, ride the Magic Kingdom, Disneyland or Shanghai Disneyland Pirates of the Caribbean attractions. To no one’s surprise, this attraction lasted less than 2 years. Its current replacement, a Toy Story Land DVC booth and walkway into that land is a much better use of the space.

And that is all I can really say about this “attraction” without getting a PG-13 rating. It wasted everyone’s time involved with it and who went through it. It was the king of terrible attractions until a certain ride about fast cars and furious people came along, but we’ll save that for another day.

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