The Churro’s Official Theme Park Opinions

It’s Easter, a time of celebrating the resurrection of Jesus, a bunny hiding eggs and no school causing massive lines at theme parks. So what better way to celebrate the season then by telling everyone how I feel about specific things in Theme Parks. Some you may disagree with, and that’s okay. This is a list of all my opinions and things I feel I should get off my chest so everyone knows where I stand on certain hot button issues. So let’s go:

-If you think that Disney and/or Universal are the only theme parks worth going to, you are sorely mistaken. What other theme parks may lack in theming are more than made up for in amazing attractions. They also tend to be less crowded.

-Maelstrom was an attraction that was only good because of how hokey it was. Frozen Ever After is a much better ride and doesn’t end with a bad movie.

-Mickey Pretzels are only good if they are fresh out of the oven. Otherwise they are stale pieces of cardboard. You’re better off getting a cream cheese or jalapeño cheese filled or Bavarian pretzel.

-There is too much of a focus on Harry Potter at Universal. Forbidden Journey is the only thing that is worth the hype. Escape from Gringotts is a major let down and Butterbeer is way beyond being good for the price you have to pay for it.

-Sana’a is mediocre and the bread service is overrated. And I am just saying this because I got incredibly sick after eating it.

-The Great Movie Ride that was closed was not the same one that the park opened with. Half the effects stopped working after a few years, including the entire first scene, and was a logistical nightmare to run and a shell of its former self. Given the way most people going to the parks viewed it (as a thing to do while waiting for your next fast pass), Disney made the right call closing it. Same goes for Universe of Energy.

-IP integration in all parks is not a bad thing. It brings more people into the park which means more money for the parks. Back when there was a grand total of 3 theme parks, you didn’t need IP’s to get people in. Now that there are a lot more than 3 currently, you need a super big thrill ride or a high intricate new ride with a major IP to entice people.

-Universal hasn’t made a truly amazing new ride or experience since Forbidden Journey. Everything else has ranged from meh to hot garbage. Hagrid hasn’t opened yet, but I really do hope that it breaks the streak.

-Happily Ever After is a terrible replacement for Wishes because in order to get the full effect of the show, you have to watch it from the hub area since it is a projection heavy show. At least with Wishes you could watch anywhere in the park and still get the same enjoyment minus one or two effects.

-Wishes was not a good fireworks show. It was a collection of some songs set to explosions. It was great to see once and then got more boring after every viewing.

-SeaWorld has been the best comeback story of the decade for theme parks and has earned all the positive recognition it has gotten.

-If you buy or collect any theme park, or any item really, with the intent to resell it for a profit, you are a horrible person. Trading or selling years later when you don’t want it anymore or have no more room for it, that’s one thing. But reselling, you suck.

-Gwazi was fun, even with the ensuing neck pains.

-Disney fans can’t complain about rides closing compared to Universal Studios fans. Are there even opening day attractions left? Islands of Adventure fans are lucky…for now.

-If you are pin trading at Disney, do not grab a cast members lanyard to look at their pins. The are by the cheat or groin, places you shouldn’t grab. And don’t say their pins are terrible. You are more than likely going to give them the same eBay scrapper pins or cheap pins you found at the outlets that are on all the lanyards.

-Theme park executives do not care about your emotional attachment to a ride. It is a business and if the cost to operate an attraction does not meet their margins and satisfaction scores, then it has got to go. And I say this having seen them dismantle Thunder Road, which had actual historical significance, and being okay with it.

And finally:

-Epcot Center from the day it opened, was not Walt’s original plan for Epcot. It wasn’t supposed to be another theme park, it was meant to be a city. Stop saying that what they are currently doing is a betrayal of Walt’s vision, because you could make a case that it never did from the start.

And those are a lot of my opinions on things. This really does only scratch the surface of my opinions. But unlike other people, I’m fine if you don’t agree with me and welcome discussion. And I won’t block you! Unless you use a racial slur or something like that. That’s too far.

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